March 5, 2016: Smoothies

 

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Is it possible that a properly constructed smoothie is the perfect food source – like humans might be considered the ideal food source for a visiting carnivorous alien race? You can throw all sorts of nasty tasting things together that you might not consume individually and it can still taste really good and be really healthy. Plus, you get the satisfaction of thinking that you are a stronger person for having drunk one. Here’s what I’ve been blending up and drinking most every morning for the last year or so:

Essential Fatty Acids (omega 3-6-9) from a blend of fish and plant oils. The health benefits of EFA’s are staggering. It might be easier to list the things that they won’t help with, namely; the control of nose hair, resting bitch face and saying something inappropriate in front of someone that you didn’t know was a member of the clergy. Pretty much everything else is potentially improved by a daily squirt of EFAs.

Green superfood powder is a crazy mix of dried grasses, spirulina (algae), veggies, fruits, digestive enzymes, more EFAs, probiotics and a bunch of other things. These powders are loaded with antioxidants, vitamins and minerals. They’ll also help your body to maintain a proper pH balance, will supercharge your immune system and give you a great energy base to start your day from. If you just mixed a scoop of this powder into some water and drank it, you might think that you were drinking grass that you scraped off the bottom of your lawnmower. Kind of nasty.

Yogurt, well, just because of the probiotics bacteria and protein.

Orange juice for a liquid base with some vitamin C (as if you needed more) and fiber.

Turmeric for inflammation. It’s also an antioxidant. Oh, and it will also counterbalance unexpected rectal discharge it you eat some potato chips made with olestra (not recommended) but this is just anecdotal.

Apple cider vinegar is another super food in terms of its health benefits. When I was a kid, my mom had a book written by D. C. Jarvis called Folk Medicine: A Vermont Doctor’s Guide to Good Health, extolling the multitude of too-good-to-be true health benefits of apple cider vinegar and honey. I actually loved drinking straight vinegar and I would have contests with my sisters to see who could drink the most. I almost always won. Pickle juice is good too.

Banana and/or berries and whatever fresh or frozen fruit you might have on hand.

Four ice cubes – any more and the smoothie becomes too cold and will take on slushie properties.

Blend all the ingredients, drink with your normal breakfast and just sit around waiting for the aliens to show up. If you give them a small glass maybe they won’t eat you.

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